In a Digital World, Relationships Struggle

I want to start by acknowledging that many of the clients that walk through the doors of The Broken Hearted Mama get anxiety because we are not in touch with their particular issues. When we ask them what their issues are, they sometimes say, “I just want to go home.” I can relate as I still have some of the same frustrations, thoughts and emotions that have been lurking around since my divorce a little over two years ago. I want you to know that we are going to get to the heart of this issue; however, as an issue and a frustration it is likely you will have to look within and listen to yourself and your friends.

The problem is, we live in a virtual world that we have created ourselves through a diverse array of electronics, social media and consumer electronics. We spend all of our time on social media. We make Snapchats and upload them on Instagram; we buy iPhones and upload selfies on Facebook. We watch TV in front of our smart devices and we do the laundry while trying to catch some Sleep or some Glee. We shop online and chat with friends on WhatsApp. We become so obsessed with a well-known personality that we purchase thousands of dollars of our products and then we notice our ex has purchased similar and equal products. We shop online, check in on our favorite social media pages and then want to see photos of our friends and family. We sit on our computer and somehow in the span of a few hours, find a way to convey our inner feelings and perspectives to everyone we know via Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

With modern technology, there are so many cameras in our area that we can become familiar with faces and take a picture of them. We look over our shoulder and think “I need to go on a date with the man from Accounting, and his wife is at Home Depot” We start posting status updates and pictures of our cute children at day care, since there are so many pictures of kids taken every day. We need to focus on our own small child and not a different child from 20 miles away. We know we need to become a better husband and father, but it seems to take longer for us to do so. This keeps me from spending time with my children and it’s making me feel depressed. We feel out of date with our friends and family, the older generation that helped us find our way. We are just not connecting with people that really matter anymore. We think that we should be able to go “home” and we should be able to walk into a room and feel comfortable, to know that we can meet people with common interests and not be judged.

We look in our mirror and are afraid to smile because we feel embarrassed. We feel like we are “not good enough” or not “cool.” We are always looking over our shoulder to see how our pictures are being received online and we think that we will never lose or gain any friends for simply liking a post or liking a picture that gives our friends the wrong impression. We use face recognition software to get around surveillance cameras in public places to do a private level of shopping online. All we really want to do is walk into a room and know we can communicate our thoughts and feelings without anyone knowing us. Some of us want to express our core feelings and concerns and they sometimes feel completely alone with their hurt.

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